#MeToo噶瑪巴性濫權之第二篇回憶錄 The Second Memoir on Karmapa's Abuse
噶瑪巴與我的第二次真實性關係回憶錄
Memoir on the Second Actual Sexual Relationship with Karmapa
(For English, please scroll down.)在此，本人謹交代與噶瑪巴的第二次性關係事件的前因、經過及其影響。
首先，本人就與噶瑪巴的第二次性關係的事件敍述其遠因及近因。
1-遠因
1-1-噶瑪巴令女方去美國
多年來，只要噶瑪巴發號施令，我便會依照動身。同樣，噶瑪巴於2018年5月17日，一聲令下，發Skype訊息「過來吧」，意謂叫我去美國。2018年5月25日，我剛到紐約JFK機場，發訊息給噶瑪巴，他竟然說「第三個禮物」還沒有給我，一反過去的講法。訊息中噶瑪巴亦說明了不用我生小孩的原因。我要求噶瑪巴把那串古董珊瑚念珠保管好，不給別的女生，因為這是我們之間的信物。
1-2-噶瑪巴不讓女方閉關
2018年5月25日晚間，噶瑪巴與我透過Skype進行了7分鐘電話通話。噶瑪巴問我：「你在哪？」我回答：「我在Aloft Harlem Hotel」噶瑪巴說：「如果你早點告訴我，我可以安排酒店給你。」我回應說：「那你可以安排我以後一輩子的酒店。」他聽到我這樣說，馬上不悅掛掉電話。其後整整兩個禮拜，噶瑪巴沒有消息，因此我在想是否應該要為自己安排個人學習、修行功課或者閉關。
2018年6月11日，我透過Line軟體向噶瑪巴提出要求，請噶瑪巴准我進行三年三個月的傳統閉關，並希望噶瑪巴幫助我向寺院申請閉關。但是，在2018年6月12日下午12:20PM，噶瑪巴回覆：「閉什麼三年三個月關！」於是，我感到非常困惑，因為上師讓我去美國，但是已經留美快三星期，上師仍然沒有佛法工作的安排，或任何修行上的指導和安排。由於沒有任何事情做，我終日猜測噶瑪巴所說的「有第三個禮物還沒有給我」是什麼意思。
1-3-噶瑪巴給錢讓女方留在美國
本來，我的回程機票是在2018年6月15日飛回香港的。但是在2018年6月14日晚，他發訊息，讓我晚上七點到法拉盛的牛火鍋晉餐。噶瑪巴很早就催我過去那餐廳。我當時已經知道這次不是單獨和他吃飯。既然如此，我就帶同那位阿尼朋友 Ani Sonam和一位居士朋友Karen去。我和我的阿尼朋友是最先到餐廳的。噶瑪巴以LINE傳來語音訊息：「跟他們說是法王叫來的就可以了。」我們等待法王駕臨。法王還沒駕臨，已經有一些年輕少女一一入坐。先來的一位從中國哈爾濱來的美女，貌若王菲，是法王叫去吃飯的，叫噶瑪法願，一坐下就不斷打手機了。另一位應該是在Skype法王的朋友名單中出現過的，是一位眼睛大大的美少女。不久，我的居士朋友也到了。
法王駕到了。那胖子待衞想趕我離開。法王本來指著遠處的桌子叫我和我的兩位朋友過去，說：「你們坐那邊吧。算了！算了！」最終，我們沒有離席。然後，法王編排那些女人的坐位。噶瑪法願被法王安排坐他旁邊，而另一位Jing Zhang則坐法王對面。我和我的兩位朋友則坐到旁邊的桌子去。我們吃的是素菜火煱。我眼看那些女人位置換來換去，都被法王逐一叫去坐他身旁在耳邊小聲講，大聲笑。甚至，看到噶瑪法願被法王安排坐到法王他本人的中間主席位。當時，噶瑪巴上身穿起咖啡色運動長袖外套，沒有披上僧人的披單。我上廁所，然後回到自己的座位，法王就示意我坐過去他身邊。
輪到我從自己的坐位走過去他那邊了。所有的女人都往我這邊看。他示意要我把耳朵靠近。他在我右耳邊輕聲細語：「你為什麼那麼快回去？」他讓我靠近小聲點說，我不好意思地說說：「因為已經沒錢了。」他突然大聲地說：「沒有錢，就跟我說！」然後手上把三封利是塞給我。那是總數超過二千美金的利是。
然後，噶瑪巴將我手腕上戴著的新珊瑚唸珠拿到他手上把玩，說：「這是我的唸珠嗎？」他想沒收我的唸珠到他的右手口袋裡，我把唸珠搶回來。我問他我舊的那串珊瑚念珠在哪，他聲稱已經送了給媽媽。我再問是不是今生的媽媽，他說是。然後他再輕聲在我耳邊說：「你找個地方住一段時間，然後我安排一地方給你，之後我就傳你破瓦法，然後明天，可能你就會死。」這段話，講到「明天，可能你就會死。」講得特別大聲，然後大家都笑了，我返回自己的坐位。
我的朋友也一個個接著上前，坐到法王身旁對話。吃了飯，法王回去了。眾人都去護駕。我繼續吃東西。隔天，我沒有回香港，在紐約等待法王召喚。
1-4-晚飯噶瑪巴枱下摸大腿
2018年6月28日晚上，在Franchia Vegan Cafe，他讓我坐在他身邊吃飯。對面有三位居士，其中一個是傳說中的兔兔，聽說法王在美國祈願法會中，讓她坐在他身邊，而且還傳出噶瑪巴公然摸她的耳朵。我認得出坐法王對面的，就是兔兔。
他說：「現在的人，出家人，是在家人；在家人，是出家人。」然後，他的左手在枱底下，放到我的右邊大腿和膝蓋上面，撫摸和輕拍。又用他的藏紅色披單蓋上他的左手，然後繼續摸、繼續拍。同時不斷地胡言亂語。整晚就那樣摸，那樣拍，和胡說什麼「你是我的災難」……。由於我遲到了，他幫我叫了一大碗飯，那時我真的很餓。飯來了，他雙手幫我混飯，還說了一聲「親愛的」，然後讓我吃飯。臨離開餐廳的時候，他說：「明天我會安排一個酒店房間給你，那邊有一個大廳。」突然，我知道準備要回去收拾行李， 於是，我回住處收拾物品。
1-5-女方被愚弄而糊塗
2018年6月29日，我一早就收拾細軟，還把那些藏文經書等收到行李箱去，於是行李變得很重，以為會以後跟他一輩子那樣把東西往行李箱塞。一整個早上，他都沒有消息。怎料，我等到晚上十點，他才Skype給我酒店資料，就是The Dominick Hotel。然後，我就帶著笨重的行李過去。我的阿尼朋友陪我坐Uber去，當時阿尼說法王會和我「執兩劑」。我跟阿尼說，這是沒有可能，因為這次他是讓我過去長期地待在他身邊工作的。
我坐在酒店大堂，到了晚上12點還沒有人來。但是法王叫我在大堂等的，所以我還是繼續等。差不多到早上一點，法王助手Jacke Rosa出現了，他帶我上房（1411室)，並將門卡交給我。但不知道為什麼，有一張房卡是有問題的。到了房內，我很累，很想睡覺，然後，他打電話來。他說他已經安排一張是我房的卡，一張是他房間的卡。我問：「真的嗎？為什麼不一早說？」他問：「有沒有其他衣服，有沒有便服？」我說：「你一早跟我說，我就有。現在去哪找？我很想睡覺。」他突然說：「現在不歡迎你了。」當下，情緒又被勒索了。
我以為以後可以跟著他，長期在他身邊。但是看起來，不是這回事。我心裡知道，他想要我的什麼。我很難過。但是，我的願望是跟著他，常常在他身邊。為什麼他不安排我在他身邊？我開始懷疑他叫我來美國唯一的目的，就只在於性需求。但是我不是為了這個。我反省當初為了什麼去印度尋找他，與他見面。因為他是出家人，我也出家，並且自己多年不斷學習藏文。我的希望是在他身邊工作，共度眾生，而不是和他一夜情。我很難過，他這樣地安排，還怪我做得不好。阿尼後來跟我說，我太慢了，如果是俗家女，一早就如箭飛奔去他房間完事了。阿尼又說，他想要的沒得到，我卻請了他吃檸檬，所以他生氣了，他是王啊。原來，我的阿尼朋友看法王看得很清楚，反而是我糊塗。其實，我的確猶疑了，因為我沒有準備好是給他性服務，我以為是永遠跟隨他，在他身邊工作，我帶的行李箱中只有佛經，和一些藏文佛法書籍，他所說的「便服」，我一件都沒有帶來，都放了在法拉盛。於是我決定第二天我也不回去拿便服到酒店 。
2018年6月30日，第二天，他叫我晚上6點下去大堂等他，要帶他的房間門卡給他。我在晚上6點前已經下去大堂等了，但等了半個小時，我肚子痛了起來，我回到房間之後拉肚子，感覺身體很虛弱，可能因為沒有吃午飯的緣故。我很累，又躺在床上。他的訊息又來了，說他已經下大堂去了，我在哪裡。然後，他叫我把門卡放在書中夾著，拿到九樓還給他。我說不想還他門卡，因為我想把它當作紀念。於是，我沒有與他見面。晚上，我叫了一個意大利麵，有了點力氣。我不知道究竟他想要的是不是性，而不是恆久的愛。我失望到沒有再打字了。然後到了凌晨12:12，他發訊息說他的姐姐開始懷疑我，對我戒備，要我最好回去香港。我當時相信他的話，決定和阿尼一起回香港。他專門安排兩晚酒店住宿，但我沒有好好達到他的要求，所以他生氣，要趕我離開美國。
結果，我2018年7月1日凌晨收到他叫我回香港的訊息，就半夜兩點多便離開酒店，因為感覺酒店不安全。就這樣，我住了他安排的兩天酒店房間，卻沒有見他一面。2018年7月1日同日下午，他命令我把他的Skype整個聯繋人刪除，威脅我說：「不然以後見不到」，要我「快點」把他的Skype刪除。我們刪除了Skype之後， 只用LINE軟體通訊。
1-6-噶瑪巴責備女方
2018年7月3日，透過Line軟體，開口責備我沒有在Dominick 酒店進他房間，給他做好，說：
「那天晚上，你都沒有好好的⋯⋯就是說⋯⋯因為你的動作要快一點，你不能猶豫啊，我說一句話，你在那邊還像問東問西的，然後這樣子的話，萬一這中間發生其他事情，怎麼辦呀，所以放棄。」(語音0:22”)
1-7-女方被罰與被貶低
2018年7月3日晚上我要求見他一面，因為我和阿尼確定了4號的機票回去。起初噶瑪巴找各種借口，說他在住的地方，那邊不方便見我，不讓我到他家。後來，我進到他家，我才發現了他和兔兔、低胸裝熱褲少女和年輕高妺在廚房一起煮食。他拿了一瓶沒有酒精的飲料遞給我，我就喝它，像一個醉翁在喝酒一樣坐在他的美女廚房中。
因為我說要回香港，他才讓我去那裡見他，還說什麼「不方便見」、「這麼晚了怎麼來」、「你住的地方到這邊很遠的」、「現在太晚了」、「這麼晚來很奇怪」，原來他是和三位女生一起煮食。他沒有安排與我見面，反而怪我沒有一早告訴他，其實我兩天前已經告訴他4號飛回香港。
正當我在他的美女廚房吃東西時，法王過來，兩手徒手搶走我的新珊瑚念珠！我不敢相信他，送了給我的東西還會拿走？！他要我趕快離開。他要與其他女人在廚房裡一起煮食。噶瑪巴給阿尼和我送到閘口。到了閘口，他見我兩手空空，又送了我一串紫水晶念珠、一面鏡子，和一個頌缽。送我紫水晶念珠，噶瑪巴說：「一條普通的念珠。」
接過禮物，我掐握他的手。之後，我就上車回酒店了。那時我驚醒到2012年的農曆年初一，他在電腦螢幕前雙手合十，向著我說「希望我永遠在你身邊」，是假的。那晩，我徹夜無眠，腦子就只有想著我和他過去的往事，心痛不已。他一心想要我死。我虔信的，背叛我；我依賴的，捨棄我。我醒悟到他對我施行了一連串的精神虐待。我也驚覺原來受萬人景仰的法王，是這樣的一個凡人！
求死是我當時的唯一願望。那晚，我整個人躺在酒店浴室的地上，任由水灑落在自己身上。後來，我決定活下來，於是決定不回香港，獨自留美。
2-近因
2-1-女方道歉求機會依照藏佛教教義，我知道自己應該完全放下我執、「依止上師」、「修師所喜」，所以決定認錯，並求噶瑪巴原諒，同時請求噶瑪巴再給我一次機會。2018年7月5日，我請求噶瑪巴原諒我的「不聽話」、「猶豫」和「囉嗦」，並請求他給我改過的機會。以下是噶瑪巴與我在2018年7月5日的LINE對話。
Thu, 2018/7/5
我：你在lake house?
我：酒店？可以給我機會嗎？
噶瑪巴：(語音0:26”)我可以給你機會呀，但是問題就是你一定要聽我的話，而且，你不能猶豫，然後就囉嗦，一定要我說什麼，你要馬上就做什麼，不然的話，我怎麼放心呀。
我：知道
我：我不說話，聽你話
我：聽到馬上就行動
我：不會猶豫
我：我會努力改進
我：對不起，我天生就這樣，但是我會改的，求你給我機會
（噶瑪巴致電，通電話17:47”）
我：我可以來你的酒店
我：很快的速度，別人看不見
我：我可以的
⋯⋯
2-2-噶瑪巴命我別穿僧服
由於上次噶瑪巴因為我沒有便服而說「不歡迎」我，所以今次我學會改進，並且事前要做好準備，所以我問他是不是要穿便服，及購買保險套。噶瑪巴清楚地指示我「不要穿僧服」，「不用」買避孕套。
以下是噶瑪巴與我在2018年7月6日及2018年7月8日的LINE對話。
Fri, 2018/7/6
我: 我是不是穿阿尼的衣服過去，像上次一樣，還是有另一種計劃？⋯⋯
噶瑪巴: 不要穿僧服
我: 知道
噶瑪巴: 住的地方再想想辦法
Sun, 2018/7/8
我：有沒有東西要買？例如避孕套？應該不用了，因為快來月經是不會懷孕的。算了
噶瑪巴：不用吧
噶瑪巴：很貴的
3- 事件經過
3-1-噶瑪巴製造零證人2018年7月8日晚上9:52PM，噶瑪巴要我自己訂紐約曼克頓the Mark hotel的酒店房間，斥責我在他上次訂Dominick酒店時，有那麼好的機會，我「沒有做好」，是次不再由他來訂酒店房間給我。另外，他在LINE說：「如果我訂的話身邊的人會知道你在酒店」2018年7月8日晚上9:52PM，我訂好了房間，噶瑪巴令我留在「自己的房間」、「不要出來」，讓我等到凌晨三點。我當時發現噶瑪巴原來是通宵活躍的。
3-2-噶瑪巴命女方下大堂拿鑰匙
2018年7月9日，噶瑪巴首先把他的房間鎖匙放在大堂的其中一個單人梳化的橙色箍臣底下，然後透過Line軟體於凌晨1:40AM分發訊息叫我下去拿房間鎖匙，然後我再回自己的房間，待到清晨3:01AM，他發訊息「上去吧」，叫我上他的房間1202室。他的房間門外有一張空椅子。當時房門沒有待衛看守。
3-3-噶瑪巴令女方躲進衣櫃
他命我進去他的房間之後要躲在房間的衣櫃裡等他回他的酒店房間。清晨時分3:12AM，他回到自己的房間。清晨3:13AM，我從他的酒店房間的衣櫃裡走出來。我們在他房間的大廳裡的梳化上坐了一會，房間內只有我們二人，大廳的梳化前是大電視螢幕，當時電視一直開著，沒有關上。我們二人當時在梳化上坐都是穿著便服，他坐在我的左邊，我的頭倚在他的右手肩膀上約1分鐘，看著發光的電視螢幕。當時門外應該有一位保鑣看守，他不知道我在房間內。
3-4-噶瑪巴性愛時不戴套
然後，他帶我從大廳到睡房裡，叫我脫衣服，他也自己脫衣服。我脫剩一件內衣是他幫我脫的。首先，他讓我躺下，我看見他吐口水到他的右手手指上，然後他用他的口水揉他的陰莖，然後才插入，然後我們在床上進行了第二次真實的性關係。性愛過程中，他沒有戴安全套，及後我幫他全身按摩。按摩時，他說我肚子胖，指出我肚子有贅肉，說：「你有三層，我只有兩層。」按摩後他去洗澡。我看他洗澡，他叫我拿毛巾時只說：“Towel”他突然轉英文，我當時都不知道他講什麼。他用中文説一遍毛巾。
3-5-性愛後要女方下跪
時間差不多，我們穿好衣服後，他要我跪下聽他指示如何離開，但最後還是他把守在門外的保鑣帶走。他離開房間前，命我再次躲進衣櫃內，我在衣櫃內突然流鼻血，幸好當時我身上帶有紙巾。然後，噶瑪巴在清晨4:28AM發訊息「可以走」，叫我離開房間。收到訊息後，我馬上離開他的房間，並回到自己的房間。
4-影響
與噶瑪巴發生了第二次性關係之後，由於有身體上的親密關係，我們的關係繼續糾纏不清。噶瑪巴對我們二人的關係繼續打迷糊仗，因而導致日後的第三次的性關係。與噶瑪巴的第二次真實性關係的前因、概況與影響述完。
相關對話截圖及錄音證據影片請見：
1. https://www.facebook.com/100033567996276/videos/131243318004601/
2. https://www.facebook.com/100033567996276/videos/130111444784455/
3. https://www.facebook.com/100033567996276/videos/131073541354912/
Memoir on the Second Actual Sexual Relationship with Karmapa
Here, I would like to explain causes, process and the impacts of the second sexual relationship with the Karmapa. First of all, I will describe the remote causes and the proximate causes of the second sexual relationship with Karmapa.1- Remote Causes
1-1- Karmapa Commanded Me to Go to USA
For many years, as soon as the Karmapa commanded, I would follow his commands. Similarly, on May 17, 2018, Karmapa sent a Skype message “Come on”, which meant that he commanded me to go to the United States. On May 25, 2018, when I just arrived at JFK Airport in New York, I sent messages to the Karmapa. He said that “the third gift” had not given to me. His words were surprisingly opposite to his previous words. In his messages, Karmapa also explained the reasons why I don’t need to give birth to a child for him. I have asked Karmapa to keep the antique coral rosary in good condition, and not to give it to other girls, and I repeatedly denoted that I wanted to get back the old coral rosary, just like he wants to get back the black crown, because that was a token of the previous love between us.
1-2-Karmapa Banned Me from Conducting a Retreat
On May 25, 2018, Karmapa and I made a 7-minute telephone conversation via Skype. Karmapa asked me, “Where are you?” I replied: “I am at the Aloft Harlem Hotel.” Karmapa said: “If you tell me earlier, I can arrange a hotel room for you.” I responded, “You can arrange my room for my whole lifetime.” As soon as he heard these words, he unpleasantly hung up. After that, two weeks were gone, and Karmapa has had no messages sent to me, so I was wondering if I should arrange my own studies, practice or retreat.
On June 11, 2018, I asked Karmapa through the Line app. asking the Karmapa to allow me to go for a three-year and three-month traditional retreat expressing my hope that Karmapa would be able to help me out for the application for doing a retreat in a monastery. However, at 12:20 PM on June 12, 2018, Karmapa replied: “Do what! Three-year and three-month retreat?” Then I was very confused because Guru asked me to go to the United States, but I have been in the United States for almost three weeks yet there were no any arrangements for a Dharma work, or any guidance and arrangements for my Dharma practice. I had nothing to do so I spent my time all day long guessing what the meanings of his words, i.e. “I haven’t given you the third gift yet”.
1-3-Karmapa Gave Me Money to stay in USA
Originally, with my return ticket I returned to Hong Kong on June 15, 2018. But in the evening of June 14, 2018, he sent messages to let me go to Flushing’s Niu Pot for dinner at 7:00 in the evening. The Karmapa urged me to go to the restaurant very early. I knew at the time that I was not eating with him alone. In that case, I went with my Ani friend, Ani Sonam, and a layperson friend, Karen. My friend and I were the first to go to the restaurant. The Karmapa sent a voice message to LINE: “Tell them that you are sent by the King.” We waited for the King to come. The King has not yet arrived, and some young girls have already sat down. The first comer was a beauty from Harbin, China, who looked like Faye Wong. She was called the Karma Fayuan and was invited to go to eat by the King. She sat down and continued to use her phone. The other person who has appeared on the King’s list of friends of Skype was a beautiful girl with big eyes. Soon, my layperson friend has arrived.
The King arrived. The fat bodyguard did not like me and he wanted me to leave. The King originally pointed to a far distant table and told me to go over there with my two friends. He said, “You sit there. Forget it! Forget it!” Finally, we did not move from our seats. Then, the King arranged the seats of those women. The King placed Karma Fayuan next to him, and another girl in his Skype friends’ list, Jing Zhang, was sitting opposite the King. My two friends and I sat down at the table next to the King. We were eating vegetarian hotpot dishes. I saw those women’s seats were exchanged again and again. They were called by the King to sit next to him one by one and whispered in the ear, and laughed loudly. Even, I saw Karma Fayuan was arranged by the King to sit in seat of the King. At that time, the Karmapa wore a brown sports long-sleeved jacket, without wearing a shawl. I went to bathroom, and then went back to my seat. The King told me to sit next to him.
It was my turn to walk over to his seat from my seat. All the women were looking at me. He gestured with his hand for me to bring my ears closer. He whispered softly in my right ear: “Why are you going back so quickly?” He let me get closer to whisper and I felt sorry and said, “Because there is no money.” He suddenly said loudly: “(If you) have no money, then tell me.” Then handed the three red packets into me. That was the total of more than two thousand US dollars.
Then, Karmapa took away the new coral rosary from my wrist to his hands for fun and said, “Is this my rosary?” He wanted to confiscate my rosary into his right hand pocket, and I took the rosary back. I asked him where my old coral rosary was, and he claimed that he has sent it to his mother. I asked if it was his mother in this life, he said yes. Then he whispered in my ear and said, “You find a place to live for a while, then I will arrange a place for you, then I will teach you phowa, and then tomorrow, maybe you will die.” Speaking of “Tomorrow, maybe you will die,” he spoke very loudly, then everyone laughed and I returned to my seat. My friends went up one by one and sat down to talk to the King. After eating, the King returned to his place. Everyone went out with the King. I didn’t look back and continued to eat. The next day, I have not returned to Hong Kong and waited for the summoning of the King in New York.
1-4- Karmapa Touched my Thigh at Dinner
On the evening of June 29, 2018, at the Franchia Vegan Cafe, he let me sit next to him and eat. There were three lay people on the opposite side, one of them is the lady called Rabbit. I heard that in the American Kagyu Monlam Prayers Gathering, the King let her sit nearby and he touched her ear in public. I recognized that the opposite of the King is lady Rabbit.
He said: “For present-day people, sangha members are lay people; lay people are sangha members.” Then, under the table, he placed his left hand on the knees and my right thigh rubbing and patting. He covered his left hand with his red shawl, and then continued to touch and caress. At the same time, he has been continuously talking nonsense. He touched it all night, patting, and said something nonsense, “You are my disaster,” etc. Since I arrived late, he ordered for me a big bowl of rice, and I was really hungry at that time. When the meal came, he helped me mix the rice with both hands, and said “Dear”, and then he let me eat. When he left the restaurant, he said, “I will arrange a hotel room for you tomorrow. There will be a big living room there.” So I went back to my place to pick up my stuffs.
1-5-I was Fooled and Confused
On June 29, 2018, I packed up the stuffs in an early time, and I put those Tibetan scriptures into the luggage, so the luggage became very heavy. I put things into the baggage as if I was going to follow him for my whole life. There was no messages from him whole morning. I have expected him until 10pm when he gave me via Skype the hotel information, i.e., the Dominick Hotel. Then I took my bulky luggage and went to the hotel. My Ani friend accompanied me while I was going there by Uber. At the time, Ani said that King and I would “take two doses”. I told Ani that that was not possible, because that time he was going to let me stay with him for a long time.
I have been sitting in the hotel lobby and no one was there until 12 o’clock in the evening. But the King has texted me to wait in the lobby, so I continued to wait. Almost until 1am in the morning, the King’s assistant Jacke Rosa appeared. He took me to the room (Room 1411) and handed me the door card. But I didn’t know why there was a problem with a room key card. When I arrived at the room, I was very tired and wanted to sleep. Then he called via Skype. He said that he had arranged a card for my room and a card for his room enclosed to me. I asked: “Really? Why don’t you tell me early?” He asked, “Is there any other clothes? Is there any casual clothes?” I said, “If you told me early in the morning, I would have. Where to find it now? I really want to sleep.” He suddenly said, “I don’t welcome you now.” At that moment, my emotions were blackmailed again.
I thought I could follow him in the future and stay with him for a long time. But it seemed that was not the case. I knew in my heart what he wanted from me. I was very depressed. However, my wish is to follow him, often by his side. Why didn’t he arrange me to be with him? I began to suspect that his only purpose that he told me to come to the United States was for his sexual needs. But I was not for that reason. I reflected on what I was looking for when I met him in India from the beginning time. Since he has been a monk, I also went to be a nun, and I learned Tibetan continuously for years. My hope was to work around him and spend my life together to benefit others with pure dharma instead of having a one-night stand with him. I was very upset. He arranged in that way and blamed me for not doing well. Ani later told me that I was too slow. If I were a laywoman, I would fly to his room and get it done. Ani added that he didn’t get what he wanted, and I gave him lemons to eat, so he was angry and after all he was king. My Ani friend could see through the King very clearly, but it was I who was confused.
Actually, I really hesitated because I was not prepared to give him sexual services. I thought I would follow him forever and work by his side. I only have Buddhist scriptures in my suitcase, and some Tibetan Dharma books. I didn’t bring with me any one piece of what he so-called “casual clothes”, and I have left them in Flushing. So I decided that the next day not to go back taking the clothes back to the hotel.
On June 30, 2018, the next day, he told me to wait for him at the hotel lobby at 6 o’clock in the evening, to bring his room card to him. I have already gone to the lobby before 6 pm, but after waiting for half an hour, my stomach was not well. I went back to my room because of diarrhea. I felt very weak, probably because I haven’t had lunch. I was very tired and lying on bed. His messages came again, saying that he had already left the lobby, and asked me where I was. Then, he told me to insert his door card inside a book and take it to the ninth floor and return the room card to him. I said that I didn’t want to return his card because I want to keep it as a memento. So, I did not meet him. In the evening, I ordered a dish of spaghetti and I gained a little strength. I didn’t know if he wants sex or permanent love. I was disappointed and I didn’t type to him again. Until 12:12AM, he sent a message saying that his sister began to suspect me, against me, and said that it was the best for me to go back to Hong Kong. I believed in his words and decided to go back to Hong Kong with Ani. He personally arranged me two nights of hotel accommodation but I haven’t meet his desires well, so he was angry and wanted me to leave the United States.
As a result, as soon as I received his message of commanding me to get back to Hong Kong in the very early morning of July 1, 2018, I left the hotel at two o’clock in the middle of the night because I felt that the hotel was not safe. In that way, I lived in the hotel room he arranged for two days, but I did not see him. In the afternoon of July 1, 2018, on the same day, he ordered me to delete his entire Skype contact, threatening me saying, “Otherwise I will not see you from now on.” He wanted me to delete his Skype and texted “Hurry up.” After Skype was deleted, we only used LINE apps for communication.
1-6- Karmapa Blamed on Me
On July 3, 2018, via the LINE apps, he blamed me for not entering the room at the Dominick Hotel and got it done well. He said, “That night…you haven’t well…I mean…. because you should move faster, you can’t hesitate. I said a word, you were still asking this and that, and then, if something else happens in the middle, what to do, so I give up.”
1-7-King Punished and Degraded Me
In the evening of July 3, 2018, I asked to see him, because Ani and I confirmed the ticket to go back on the 4th. At first, Karmapa used various excuses to say that he was in a place where he lived and it was not convenient to see me there. I was not allowed to go to his house. It turned out that he had three girls in his house. Later, when I went to his house, I discovered that he had cooked together with lady Rabbit, the low-cut hot pants girl and the tall young girl in the kitchen. He handed me a bottle of non-alcoholic beverage, and I drank it, sitting in his beauty kitchen like a drunkard.
He let me go there to meet him because I said that I wanted to go back to Hong Kong. He also said “It’s not convenient to see you”, “How come so late”, “The place where you live is far away from here,” “It’s too late now,” “It’s very strange to be so late.” It turned out that he was actually cooking with three beautiful women. He had no arrangement to meet me. Instead, he blamed me for not telling him in an early time. In fact, I told him two days before that day that I would fly back to Hong Kong on the 4th.
When I was eating in his beauty kitchen, the King came over and snatched my new coral rosary by his both hands! I couldn’t believe that he would take away what he has given to me? ! He commanded me to leave quickly. He had to cook with other women in the kitchen. Karmapa accompanied Ani and I to the gate and saw us off. When we arrived at the gate, he saw my empty hands and he gave me an amethyst rosary, a mirror, and a singing bowl. Giving me the amethyst rosary, Karmapa said: “An ordinary rosary.”
After receiving the gift, I held and pinched his hand. After that, I got into a car and went back to the hotel. At that time, I was awakened that the words “I hope I will always be with you”, that he has said to me on the first day of the Lunar New Year in 2012, when he held his palms together in front of the computer screen, was fake. That night, I haven’t slept all night, and my mind was only thinking about the past things between he and me. I was heartbroken. He only wants me to die. He, whom I devote to, has betrayed me; he, whom I rely on, has given up on me. I realized that he has carried out a series of mental abuses against me. I also realized that the Dharma King who was venerated by thousands of people was such an ordinary human!
Demanding for dying was my only wish at the time. That night, I was lying on the floor of the hotel bathroom, letting the water sprinkle on my body. Later, I decided to live. So I decided not to return to Hong Kong and stayed alone in America.
2-Proximate Causes
2-1-I Apologized for my Mistake and Asked for Another Chance
According to the Tibetan Buddhist doctrines, I knew that I should completely let go of my attachment, that I should “depend on the Guru” and “practice what the teacher likes”, so I decided to admit my mistake and asked the Karmapa for forgiveness. At the same time, I asked the Karmapa to give me another chance.
On July 5, 2018, I asked the Karmapa to forgive my “disobedience”, “hesitation” and “prolixity” and asked him to give me the opportunity to correct my mistakes. The following is the LINE dialogue between Karmapa and me on July 5, 2018.
Thu, 2018/7/5
Me: Are you at the lake house?
Me: Hotel? Can you give me a chance?
Karmapa: (Voice message 0:26”) I can give you a chance, but the problem is that you must listen to me, and you can’t hesitate, then you must not be naggy, you must do right away what I want you do, otherwise, how can I rest easy?
Me: I know.
Me: I won’t talk. I’ll listen to you.
Me: I’ll act once I heard.
Me: I won’t hesitate.
Me: I will try to improve.
Me: Sorry, I was born like this, but I will change it. Please give me a chance.
(Karmapa called me and talked 17:47”)
Me: I can come to your hotel.
Me: in a high speed. Others won’t see.
Me: I can. ⋯⋯
2-2- Karmapa Commanded Me Not to Wear Nun’s Robes
Since last time Karmapa said to me “I don’t welcome (you)” as I didn’t have casual clothes with me, I learned to improve myself that time and I had to be prepared beforehand, so I asked him if I had to wear casual clothing and if I need buy a condom. Karmapa clearly instructed me: “Don’t wear nun’s clothes,” and ”no” need buy a condom. The following is the LINE dialogue between Karmapa and me on July 6, 2018 and July 8,2018.
Fri, 2018/7/6
Me: Do I wear Ani’s clothes to go, like last time. Is there another plan? ⋯⋯
Karmapa: Don’t wear nun's robe
Me: I know
Karmapa: Where to live, think a solution
Me: Hotel? Can you give me a chance?
Karmapa: (Voice message 0:26”) I can give you a chance, but the problem is that you must listen to me, and you can’t hesitate, then you must not be naggy, you must do right away what I want you do, otherwise, how can I rest easy?
Me: I know.
Me: I won’t talk. I’ll listen to you.
Me: I’ll act once I heard.
Me: I won’t hesitate.
Me: I will try to improve.
Me: Sorry, I was born like this, but I will change it. Please give me a chance.
(Karmapa called me and talked 17:47”)
Me: I can come to your hotel.
Me: in a high speed. Others won’t see.
Me: I can. ⋯⋯
2-2- Karmapa Commanded Me Not to Wear Nun’s Robes
Since last time Karmapa said to me “I don’t welcome (you)” as I didn’t have casual clothes with me, I learned to improve myself that time and I had to be prepared beforehand, so I asked him if I had to wear casual clothing and if I need buy a condom. Karmapa clearly instructed me: “Don’t wear nun’s clothes,” and ”no” need buy a condom. The following is the LINE dialogue between Karmapa and me on July 6, 2018 and July 8,2018.
Fri, 2018/7/6
Me: Do I wear Ani’s clothes to go, like last time. Is there another plan? ⋯⋯
Karmapa: Don’t wear nun's robe
Me: I know
Karmapa: Where to live, think a solution
Sun, 2018/7/8
Me: Is there anything to buy? For example, a condom? It should be no longer needed, because my menstruation is coming. I will not get pregnant. Forget it
Karmapa: No
Karmapa: very expensive
3- Process
3-1- Karmapa Made Zero Witnesses
At 9:52PM on July 8, 2018, Karmapa let me book a hotel room in the Mark hotel in Manhattan, New York, and rebuked me for not “doing well” with the good opportunity last time when he booked the room of the Dominick Hotel for me. For the present time, he would not book the hotel room for me again. In addition, he said via LINE: “If I book the room, people around me will know that you are in the hotel.” At 9:52PM on July 8, 2018, I booked the room and Karmapa made me stay in “my own room”. He commanded, “Don’t come out,” and he let me wait until 3AM in the morning. At that time, I discovered that the Karmapa has been active over nights.
3-2-Karmapa Commanded me to Take Key in Lobby
On July 9, 2018, Karmapa first placed his room key under one of the orange cushions on a single sofa chair in the lobby, and then he sent me message through the Line soft apps at 1:40AM to command me to go down to the lobby to take his room key. Then I went back to my room and waited until 3:01AM in the morning. He sent a message “Go up,” and told me to go to his room, Room 1202. Outside his room, there was an empty chair. At that time, there were nobodies sitting outside his room to guard the door.
3-3- Karmapa Commanded Me to Hide in Closet
He commanded me to get into his room, hide into the room closet and wait for him to be back the hotel room. 3:12AM in the morning, he returned to his room. At 3:13AM, I came out from the hotel room closet. We sat on the couch in the living room of his room for a while. There were only two of us in the room. The front of the couch in the living room was a big TV screen. The TV has been kept turning on, yet not turning off. The two of us were wearing casual clothes sitting on the couch. He sat on my left. My head has been leaning on the shoulder of his right hand for approximately 1 minute while I was looking at the glowing TV screen. There should have been a bodyguard outside the door at that time. He should not have known that I was in the room.
3-4- Karmapa Had Sex With No Condom
Then he took me from the living room to the bedroom, and told me to take off my clothes, and he also stripped himself. I took off clothes and left the last piece, the underwear, and he helped me take that piece off. First, he let me lie down. I saw him spit on his right hand fingers, then he rubbed his penis with his saliva before inserting, and then we had a second actual sex on bed. In the process of sexual intercourse, he has not worn a condom, and after sex, I helped him with a full body massage. During the massage, he said that I was fat and pointed out that there was fats on my belly and said, “You have three layers. I only have two layers (of fats).” After the massage he went to take a shower. I watched him take a shower. He told me to take the towel to him by saying out only a word: “Towel.” As he suddenly turned into English, I didn’t know what he was talking about at that time. He then said towel again in Chinese.
3-5- I Was Commanded to Kneel Down After Sex
The time was almost up. After we got dressed, he commanded me to kneel down and listen to him instructing me how to leave, but in the end he took away the bodyguard outside the door. Before he left the room, he commanded me to hide in the closet again. I suddenly had a nosebleed in the closet. Fortunately, I had some tissue paper with me. Then, the Karmapa sent a message “(You) can go” at 4:28AM in the morning and told me to leave the room. After receiving the message, I immediately left his room and returned to my room.
4-Impact
Me: Is there anything to buy? For example, a condom? It should be no longer needed, because my menstruation is coming. I will not get pregnant. Forget it
Karmapa: No
Karmapa: very expensive
3- Process
3-1- Karmapa Made Zero Witnesses
At 9:52PM on July 8, 2018, Karmapa let me book a hotel room in the Mark hotel in Manhattan, New York, and rebuked me for not “doing well” with the good opportunity last time when he booked the room of the Dominick Hotel for me. For the present time, he would not book the hotel room for me again. In addition, he said via LINE: “If I book the room, people around me will know that you are in the hotel.” At 9:52PM on July 8, 2018, I booked the room and Karmapa made me stay in “my own room”. He commanded, “Don’t come out,” and he let me wait until 3AM in the morning. At that time, I discovered that the Karmapa has been active over nights.
3-2-Karmapa Commanded me to Take Key in Lobby
On July 9, 2018, Karmapa first placed his room key under one of the orange cushions on a single sofa chair in the lobby, and then he sent me message through the Line soft apps at 1:40AM to command me to go down to the lobby to take his room key. Then I went back to my room and waited until 3:01AM in the morning. He sent a message “Go up,” and told me to go to his room, Room 1202. Outside his room, there was an empty chair. At that time, there were nobodies sitting outside his room to guard the door.
3-3- Karmapa Commanded Me to Hide in Closet
He commanded me to get into his room, hide into the room closet and wait for him to be back the hotel room. 3:12AM in the morning, he returned to his room. At 3:13AM, I came out from the hotel room closet. We sat on the couch in the living room of his room for a while. There were only two of us in the room. The front of the couch in the living room was a big TV screen. The TV has been kept turning on, yet not turning off. The two of us were wearing casual clothes sitting on the couch. He sat on my left. My head has been leaning on the shoulder of his right hand for approximately 1 minute while I was looking at the glowing TV screen. There should have been a bodyguard outside the door at that time. He should not have known that I was in the room.
3-4- Karmapa Had Sex With No Condom
Then he took me from the living room to the bedroom, and told me to take off my clothes, and he also stripped himself. I took off clothes and left the last piece, the underwear, and he helped me take that piece off. First, he let me lie down. I saw him spit on his right hand fingers, then he rubbed his penis with his saliva before inserting, and then we had a second actual sex on bed. In the process of sexual intercourse, he has not worn a condom, and after sex, I helped him with a full body massage. During the massage, he said that I was fat and pointed out that there was fats on my belly and said, “You have three layers. I only have two layers (of fats).” After the massage he went to take a shower. I watched him take a shower. He told me to take the towel to him by saying out only a word: “Towel.” As he suddenly turned into English, I didn’t know what he was talking about at that time. He then said towel again in Chinese.
3-5- I Was Commanded to Kneel Down After Sex
The time was almost up. After we got dressed, he commanded me to kneel down and listen to him instructing me how to leave, but in the end he took away the bodyguard outside the door. Before he left the room, he commanded me to hide in the closet again. I suddenly had a nosebleed in the closet. Fortunately, I had some tissue paper with me. Then, the Karmapa sent a message “(You) can go” at 4:28AM in the morning and told me to leave the room. After receiving the message, I immediately left his room and returned to my room.
4-Impact
After the second sexual intercourse with Karmapa, our relationship continued to be entangled, because of the physical intimacy. Karmapa continued to confuse the relationship between us, and therefore it led to the third sexual relationship in the future.
The backgrounds, situation and impacts of the second actual sexual relationship with Karmapa are recounted completely.
#Metoo
#Metoointibetanbuddhism
#Thekarmapasexscandal
#大寶法王破戒交女友
#大寶法王性醜聞
#噶瑪巴渣男玩女人實錄
#女生千萬不要被渣男玩弄
#噶瑪巴性交不戴保險套
The backgrounds, situation and impacts of the second actual sexual relationship with Karmapa are recounted completely.
#Metoo
#Metoointibetanbuddhism
#Thekarmapasexscandal
#大寶法王破戒交女友
#大寶法王性醜聞
#噶瑪巴渣男玩女人實錄
#女生千萬不要被渣男玩弄
#噶瑪巴性交不戴保險套
#完事後要跪下聽令
